500 Ways to Kill My Sister
by EmeraldDream1
Summary: Ron realizes that the pranks Ginny's been playing on him all week had an even more horrible goal than getting back at him. They were trying to get Hermione to notice his feelings for her! Ron POV RHr and HG, Complete!


A/N: Hey everybody! I don't quite know why took down this story of mine (something about the rating I think), but I've gotten a lot of requests to put it back up, so that's what I'm doing. I'm really glad a lot of you like it. On a separate note, I am back from falling off the edge of the earth and have updated 500 Ways to Lose a Friend (the third in this series) and will post the final chapter in a few days. It will wrap up the R/H section of the tale and then I hope to post the fourth and final installment soon after that.

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500 Ways to Kill My Sister

_1.) Lock Ginny in a room with a herd of raging Hippogriffs._

Now don't be fooled with what you may see or hear. My sister is not an angel. She is an evil, sinister girl with plans of world domination. Her first step in this plan is to humiliate me, her brother Ron Weasley, whenever possible.

Wait, you may say, but Ginny seems like a sweet girl, you must be overreacting. I am not overreacting or exaggerating or lying or whatever else you might say to try and say to clear my wicked sister's name. Oh no, if you had had to deal with all of the things that she put me through in this past week then you would be plotting to kill her too.

_18.) Offer her to Fred and George as a test subject._

So here I am, sitting on the nice comfy couch in the common room next to

Hermione, who is calmly reading her arithmancy textbook. My quill is furiously scratching away on the parchment and I come up with new and inventive ideas for my list.

_27.) Introduce her to Fluffy._

This is even easier than making up ways to die for divination homework. I guess you could say that I'm feeling inspired.

_42.) Convince her to try and climb the Whomping Willow_

My bloody sister is over there right now, sitting on the couch across the room next to my supposed best friend. At least he's studying and not paying any attention to her. It better stay like that, or else I'll have to start a second list: The Boy who _Lived_ and ways to correct that problem.

_136.) Let her and Moaning Myrtle fight to the death (point of interest-Myrtle can't die again, so it's up to a certain disowned family member to end the fight)._

What is she whispering to him! I'll kill'em both! My sister is luring Harry over to the dark side, I just know it. Just look at the way she's leaning on him and whispering in his ear. I knew something was going on between those two!

_224.) When she learns to apparate give her hints to make sure that she splinches herself._

Great, now they're laughing.

_301.) Tie her to a tree in the Forbidden Forest and leave her there._

Why did they just look at me? They're plotting something else, aren't they? I bet Harry was in on this the whole time! That bloody prat!

"They're plotting against me. I know they are."

I had thought I just whispered it, but unfortunately Hermione heard me.

"You're paranoid. You know that right? Just because Ginny played a little trick on you yesterday…"

"It wasn't a little trick! She charmed my robes so that they would flash my thoughts in neon pink letters across my chest. My personal thoughts! In neon pink!"

"It's not like it was that big of a deal. You noticed it a few seconds after she put the charm on and had me reverse it straight away. It's not like we haven't heard you say those same things about Snape out loud before…I thought it was funny."

Hermione obviously didn't understand the gravity of what had happened. Ginny put the charm on right as I had been walking into Potions, brooding about the stupid class. Of course, right as I had gotten to the usual point in my fuming where I think about how Snape is a nasty idiot of a professor, I noticed the pointing and snickering. I looked down at my robes and saw "Snape is an idiot" scroll across my robe in pink italics. And, because of my wonderful luck, Snape had appeared from the back storage rooms just as I had been tugging the robe off. I had Hermione reverse the charm, but it had been too late. Snape had already seen the message concerning him and it wouldn't've done me any good to argue that it was all my sister's fault. So instead of arguing I sat down, listened to a lengthy lecture on respect, received a detention, and lost 20 points for Gryffindor because of my stupid sister. I'll never let her walk anywhere with me, Harry, and Hermione anymore.

"A detention Hermione! A detention!"

"Like you've never had one of those before. What did you do to make Ginny do that anyway?"

See what I mean? Everyone thinks Ginny's the perfect angel and I'm the mean, evil troll of a brother. I don't know why people believe that. They must all be daft. Even Hermione. I'm glad for her temporary daftness though. Otherwise she would've noticed all the other mean pranks Ginny's been pulling on me. Like the day where she put a three-hour partner bind on Hermione and I. We couldn't move more than five feet away from each other. Luckily neither of us had to go to the bathroom. I usually hang around her most of the time anyway, so I don't think she noticed. Then there was the time that Ginny put a spell on me to make me dance with Hermione in the hallway. Luckily Hermione already thinks I'm a nutter. She didn't notice a difference. Then there was that day when Ginny made me sing love songs in the middle of the Great Hall at breakfast. I ran out of there as fast as I could and spent the rest of the morning up in my dorm. Now that I think about it, I don't know how she could've missed that one. Her head was in a book the entire time though.

"I didn't do anything," I exclaimed with a huff as I slumped back in the couch and crossed my arms.

_367.) Let Professor Binns talk her to death._

"I hardly believe that Ron Weasley," Hermione said as she leveled me with that truth-seeking glare of her's, "Ginny's been going around for weeks now saying that you're a daft prick who needs some sense knocked into him. Might you know why that is?"

Okay, I lied. I might've said a little something. And it might've had something to do my little sister and one of my fellow seventh years. My ex-best friend to be precise. Remember him? The one who's now sitting way too close to my sister and planning my demise? Yeah, him.

Well, I might've said something along the lines of, "Gin, we've known each other a long time, being siblings and all, and I love you, but will you stop hanging around Harry all the time? It's getting rather annoying. As a brother it's gross watching you try to flirt. We have to go meet Hermione at the library. Bye." Approximately.

After I said it she looked at Harry and got really pale. God only knows what was running though her mind. Then she looked back at me and her expression changed. She got really furious and her brown eyes had that same scary look mum's do sometimes when she gets mad. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, "You think it's awful watching me "flirt", well how do you think I feel watching your attempts?"

At this point I had been rather confused. Attempts?

"I'm tired of watching you botch it up," Ginny said as a new and triumphant gleam entered her eye, "But it's okay, I can fix that."

Then she'd smiled and walked away.

I had started to feel rather nervous at that point. I looked at Harry hoping he could give me some reassurance in light of my possible upcoming torture at the hands of my sister, but he had just looked at me with tight lips and serious look in his eyes and said, "You shouldn't have said that," and walked off after Ginny.

"Honestly Ron, out with it! What did you say to get Ginny so hacked off?"

Hermione…Oh my god, Hermione! Ginny's words flew back to my mind as I looked over at Hermione. _Attempts…I can fix that._ The binding spell, the dancing, the broadcasting of my innermost thoughts, the love songs…oh lord, the love songs. How had Ginny known? I'd tried so hard to keep my feelings for Hermione a secret. Now she's trying to wreck it all for me! Oh, if I ever get my hands on her!

"I only said…"

Ginny and Harry just got up from their couch. They've got their books with them. Maybe they're going to the library. Wait! Why is Harry going to the library alone with my evil baby sister? The traitor!

Why are they coming over here? If Ginny does anything to wreck my perfectly friendly relationship with Hermione, I'll kill her.

_489.) Concoct elaborate scheme wherein Snape thinks that Ginny has been stealing from his private stores and decides to test all of his expired potion ingredients on her…and give her detention!_

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed, obviously frustrated at my lack of response. I couldn't answer her. I was too busy trying to assimilate the fact that my sister had just stopped right in front of my couch, along with her bodyguard- Harry Potter.

"Ron," she started with a smirk and that immoral glint in her eye, "I…"

_499.) Send her to Knockturn Alley_

Ginny was cut off as Harry quickly whispered something in her ear that made her frown, pout, and finally agree.

"Ron," she started again, this time without the glint in her eyes or the wicked smile on her face, "I just wanted to say that we shouldn't fight anymore. I'm sorry."

What? What had just happened? Ginny was never one to give up on a fight, especially when she was the one winning. What had Harry said to her? It didn't make sense.

Ginny was still looking like a child whose favorite toy had just been taken away and Hermione was looking on in complete confusion. Suddenly Harry looked at me and smiled.

Oh, I underestimated him. Harry Potter – double agent extraordinaire. Pretending to be on Ginny's side this whole time only to help his true friend in the end by stopping the war. I could hug him.

Just then I realized that I hadn't yet responded to Ginny's offer of peace. Maybe I should throw this list out too.

"Very magnanimous of you Gin." Hey, after hanging around with Hermione for five and a half years you pick things up.

Ginny smiled sweetly.

"We're going to the library." They turned to leave, but then Ginny turned back. Her smile looked a little too sugary. "Oh, and Hermione?"

No! Harry stop her!

But that blasted triple agent just looked at Ginny with pride as she prepared to wreck my life.

"Yes?" Hermione questioned with innocent wide eyes, unaware of the upcoming disaster that our lives were morphing into.

"Ron fancies you."

And with that she smiled at me and flounced off to the library with The Boy Who Will Be Dead.

What am I supposed to do now? Next time I see that girl I'm going to …

_Strangle her with my bare hands._

I will make her suffer in exactly the same manner that she made me suffer, with painful humiliation and a sharp edge of very personal embarrassment. She'll pay for this.

Hermione's probably staring at me. I can feel it. I don't want to look at her though. I don't want to see the shock and disgust on her face. I hate my life. And Ginny…why couldn't mum and dad have stopped after six?

I open on eye and surreptitiously glance over at Hermione. Yeah, she's staring at me and yes the shock is definitely written all over her face. There's something else too though. It almost looks like fear. If I hadn't been here for the most embarrassing moment of my life, I would've thought that Ginny had spilled Hermione's secret instead of mine judging by the look on her face. I wonder…

"Hermione?"

At the sound of my voice she jumped out of her seat and gathered up her books.

"I have to go."

She smiled weakly at me before walking away. I couldn't miss the sadness in her eyes as she looked at me one last time before heading out the portrait door. I felt my heart drop into my stomach and tried to ignore the emptiness. This was what I'd been trying to prevent, but my stupid sister just had to go and mess with my life.

500 ways isn't enough.

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A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. The next in this series is entitled 500 Ways to Torture My Brother and it's from Ginny's point of view. :) 


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